Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

[Coss]

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink, as the man is sucking down the drink he looks over and notices a dog licking his nuts.

The man thought nothing of it and orders another drink. Time goes by and the man notices the dog still licking his balls. So the man looks at the bartender and says, "Man, I wish I could do that...”

The bartender looks at the man and says, "Go ahead, he doesn't bite." .........................................................

 

[Coss]

Three older gentlemen in a nursing home are discussing their nightly Bathroom habits. The first guy says, "I have to get up every 2 hours and take a wiz, but I stand there and only dribble a little bit an nothing hardly comes out."

The 2nd guy says, "I know exactly what you mean, the same thing happens with me." The 3rd guy is not saying anything. The other two ask him if he has any problems.

He replies, "At about 5am every day I whiz like a race horse on a rock, and by 6am I have the best bowel movement every day."

As the other two guys are listening one asks him, "That's not really a problem is it?"

He replies, "For me it is, I don't get up till about 7am."

 

[hawg_ryder]

Best job ad ever... most truthful anyway!

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[hawg_ryder]

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[hawg_ryder]

Aim small, Miss small....

 

[hawg_ryder]

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[hawg_ryder]

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[Coss]

Two guys are in a locker room after their racquetball match when one guy notices the other has a cork in his ass.
“If you don’t mind me saying,” said the second, “the cork looks terribly uncomfortable. Why don’t you take it out?”

“I can’t,” lamented the first man. “It’s permanent.”

“I don’t understand,” said the second.

"Well," says the first guy, “I was walking along the beach and I tripped over an oil lamp.
There was a puff of smoke, and then a huge man in a turban came oozing out.
He said, 'I am Hasan the Genie. I can grant you one wish.' And I said, ‘No shit.’”

 

[Coss]

A man calls his wife on her cell phone and tells her to keep an eye on the road.

She asks her husband, "Why?"

He replies, "There is some lunatic on the road driving in the wrong direction."
.......
She then replies, "That’s funny, I’m continuously dodging cars." ..................................................

 

[hawg_ryder]

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