hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
Happy New Year Everyone!
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Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )
- Thread starter Keith Dahl
- Start date
Happy New Year Everyone!
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hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
And a Safe New Year as well!!!
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hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
A lawyer should never ask a question he doesn't already know the answer too!
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'
She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'
The defense attorney nearly died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,
'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.
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In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'
She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'
The defense attorney nearly died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,
'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.
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hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
Ok Ok… This is the last one... Really... Well...
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Little Johnny and the little girl next door are in love.
One day Johnny goes to his mother and tells her that the two are getting married.
She thinks this is absolutely adorable and asks, "Well Johnny, where are the two of you going to live?"
He says they can live in her room. "And how are you going to support your new wife?"
Johnny's mother asks. Johnny tells her the two of their allowances combined should be enough to support two six year olds.
"Well what will you do if you have a baby?"
Johnny look at her, shrugs his shoulders and says, “Well we've been lucky so far."
One day Johnny goes to his mother and tells her that the two are getting married.
She thinks this is absolutely adorable and asks, "Well Johnny, where are the two of you going to live?"
He says they can live in her room. "And how are you going to support your new wife?"
Johnny's mother asks. Johnny tells her the two of their allowances combined should be enough to support two six year olds.
"Well what will you do if you have a baby?"
Johnny look at her, shrugs his shoulders and says, “Well we've been lucky so far."
A woman calls her butler into her bedroom, “Jay,” she says.
“Yes, madam?" answers the butler.
“Jay, take off my dress.”
“Yes, madam,” he says, and removes the dress.
“Jay, take off my bra.”
“Yes, madam,” he says, and he takes off her bra.
“Now, Jay, take off my shoes and stockings.”
“Yes, madam,” he says as he removes her shoes and stockings.
“Now,” says the woman, “take off my panties. And I’m warning you, Jay, you’re going to lose your job if I ever catch you wearing my clothes again.”
“Yes, madam?" answers the butler.
“Jay, take off my dress.”
“Yes, madam,” he says, and removes the dress.
“Jay, take off my bra.”
“Yes, madam,” he says, and he takes off her bra.
“Now, Jay, take off my shoes and stockings.”
“Yes, madam,” he says as he removes her shoes and stockings.
“Now,” says the woman, “take off my panties. And I’m warning you, Jay, you’re going to lose your job if I ever catch you wearing my clothes again.”
The male teacher in a girls' school asked the science class, "Who can tell me what organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated? Mary, can you tell me?"
Mary blushed furiously as she stood up. She said, "Sir, how dare you ask such a question? I will complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal."
The male teacher was taken aback at first by Mary's reaction. Then, as understanding dawned on him, he called for another pupil, this time a volunteer. Lily put up her hand. "Yes, Lily?"
"Sir, the correct answer is the iris of the eye."
"Very good. Thanks, Lily," said the male teacher. He then turned to the first girl, who had threatened to complain to her parents and principal. He said, "Well, Mary, I have three things to tell you. First, you have NOT done your homework. Second, you have a DIRTY mind. And third, I fear, one day, you are going to be sadly disappointed."
Mary blushed furiously as she stood up. She said, "Sir, how dare you ask such a question? I will complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal."
The male teacher was taken aback at first by Mary's reaction. Then, as understanding dawned on him, he called for another pupil, this time a volunteer. Lily put up her hand. "Yes, Lily?"
"Sir, the correct answer is the iris of the eye."
"Very good. Thanks, Lily," said the male teacher. He then turned to the first girl, who had threatened to complain to her parents and principal. He said, "Well, Mary, I have three things to tell you. First, you have NOT done your homework. Second, you have a DIRTY mind. And third, I fear, one day, you are going to be sadly disappointed."
hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
It was 11 years ago today that my pal, James, came running out of the room shouting, “it’s a boy, it’s a boy!” with tears streaming down his face.
We never went back to Thailand.
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We never went back to Thailand.
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hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
mmmmmmmm
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