Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

[hawg_ryder]

I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.

I asked them, “If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?”

“NO!” the children answered.

“If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?”

Again, the answer was, “NO!”

“If I gave sweets to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?”

Again, they all answered, “NO!”

I was just bursting with pride for them.


I continued, “Then how can I get into heaven?”

A little boy shouted out, “YUV GOTTA’ BE FOOKN' DEAD!”


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[hawg_ryder]

Ahhh… The ads bfore PC

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[hawg_ryder]

Question!

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[Coss]

A wise man once said that for a man to be happy, he must:

1) Find a woman who cooks well and knows how to keep the house neat and tidy.

2) Be able to exchange conversation with a woman that is at the same level as he is, intellectually speaking.

3) Be satisfied with his partner in bed.

4) Find someone who shares his dreams, visions triumphs and even failures in life.

5) Make sure that these four women don't know each other!

 

[Johnny Acree]

I think this goes here
https://www.thebigshow.com/vod_html5/archive.php?view=&v=2019-10-21

 

[Made in USA]

I think this goes here
https://www.thebigshow.com/vod_html5/archive.php?view=&v=2019-10-21

Frickin hilarious. I want one.

 

[hawg_ryder]

I think this goes here
https://www.thebigshow.com/vod_html5/archive.php?view=&v=2019-10-21

Well, now we know how that whole "Terminator" thing got started!

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[hawg_ryder]

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[Johnny Acree]

A pizza, is actually a piechart, of how much pizza you have.

 

[Coss]

A man goes to the doctor's and says, “I would I like to get castrated".
The doctor tries to convince him but the man won't listen.
All he keeps on saying is, "I want to get castrated! I want to get castrated! I want to get castrated!”

The doctor says, "Your life will be changed after this operation. Do you still want to go ahead?"

“Yes!"

After a few hours the man is walking in the hospital with a walking stick in his hand and legs apart.
He meets another man walking the same way. He says to the other guy, “So even you got the operation done?"

The other man replied, "Yeah after 37 years of my life, I felt that it would be much better to get circumcised."

"Crap. That’s the word!"