Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

[Coss]

Impressionable and eloquent on the sins of the flesh, the energetic young preacher raised himself to full height and leaned over the pulpit.

With his booming voice he said, “Brothers and sisters, if there are any among you who have committed adultery,
may your tongue cleave to the woof of your mowf!”

 

[Coss]

Three women are talking about their sex lives. One says,
“I call my husband ‘The dentist’ because nobody can drill like he does.”

The next says, “Well, I call my husband ‘The Miner’ because he has an incredible shaft.”

The third sighs and says, “I call mine ‘The Postman’."

“Why the ‘Postman’?" asks one of them.

“Because he always delivers late and half the time it’s in the wrong box!”

 

[Coss]

Three lifelong buddies (one not so bright) were returning from a day of mountain biking in the Rocky Mountains.
The not so bright buddy was in the back of the truck to better enjoy the mountains.

Heading around a rather tight turn, the truck veers off the cliff and plummets into a lake just below.

After just a few seconds, the two buddies in the truck cab break the surface with a gasp of air. To their horror, they realize their not so bright companion was still under water and they both immediately dove down to rescue him.

They pulled him to the surface and after a coughing fit asked him why he hadn't swam to the surface.
With an annoyed look on his face, the not so bright buddy says, “I couldn't get the tailgate open!”

 

[Coss]

The morning after Sue asks Jeff, “Was I any good?”

Jeff says, “Were you any good? I haven’t been this sore since I was circumcised!”

 

[Mel]

The morning after, Jeff asks Sue "Oh my God, I forgot to ask, You don't have AIDS do you?"
"Of course not" she replied. "Good. I'd hate to get that again!"

 

[Mel]

Circumcision is a serious operation. I had it done when I was very young and couldn't walk for almost a year.

 

[Coss]

The pharmacist comes to in to the drugstore to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall.
He approaches the clerk and asks, “What’s with that guy over there by the wall?"

The clerk says the man came in earlier to get something for his cough.
And since she could not find the cough syrup, she gave him a bottle of laxative.

The horrified pharmacist shouts, “You idiot! You can’t treat a cough with a bottle of laxatives!”

The clerk calmly responds, “Of course you can. Look at him, he's afraid to cough.”

 

[Coss]

An extremely drunk man looking for a brothel stumbles into a podiatrist’s office instead and weaves over to the receptionist.
Without looking up, she waves him over to the examination bed and says, “Stick it through that curtain.”

Looking forward to something kinky, the drunk pull out his penis and sticks it through the crack in the curtain.

“That’s not a foot!” screams the receptionist.

“Hey lady, I didn’t know you had a minimum!”

 

[JK]

The biker, drawing up his last will and testament, instructed his lawyer, "I wanna leave all my worldly possessions and money to my ol' lady." After pausing a second, he added, "But only on the condition that the whore remarries within a year after I croak."

Puzzled, the attorney asked the man, "Whatever you say, but why the unusual condition?"

The biker grinned and said, "Because, I wanna make sure that somebody's sorry I died."

 

[Johnny Acree]