Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

[Jeff Porter]

Why Americans Shouldn't Be Allowed To Travel

The following are actual stories provided by travel agents:

1. I had someone ask for an aisle seat so that their hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.

....

12. A woman called to make reservations. "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York." The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent asked, "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere." The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal!"

Holy cow, nearly every one of these is excellent. Who knew people could be so......... lacking of knowledge and common sense? SO VERY GLAD I don't have to deal with the public at my job.

 

[Coss]

Holy cow, nearly every one of these is excellent. Who knew people could be so......... lacking of knowledge and common sense? SO VERY GLAD I don't have to deal with the public at my job.

How very true; and it seems to be getting worse.

 

[Coss]

Define: 'Egghead'

A: What Mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty.

 

[Gizmo]

Hadn't noticed this before.....

Passing gas! lmao
Damnit...that's my job!

 

[Karnaj]

Hadn't noticed this before.....
View attachment 7364

Passing gas! lmao
Damnit...that's my job!

As long as it doesn't start drinking beer and watching football I'm ok with letting it pass gas.

 

[Hotscoots]

Husband always insisted on making love in the dark.
After 20 years wife turns on the light, finds him holding a vibrator.
She goes balistic, "You impotent bastard! How could you lie to me all these years?"
Husband looks her straight in the eyes & calmly says, "I'll explain the toy, you explain the kids....."

 

[Frim]

What car does a Proctologist drive? A brown Ford Probe. *rimshot*. See what I did there with the added "rimshot"?

That would be the Ass to Risk on both ends. Appropriate for a proctologist.

 

[Frim]

That would be the Ass to Risk on both ends. Appropriate for a proctologist.

My wife locked her car with the keys in the ignition. I told her it was impossible and called the locksmith. I had a second key made so I would avoid the locksmith charge if she did it again. She did. I told her it was impossible. I unlocked the car with my key and bought a third key which I put in a hidden key locker on the car. Yesterday, I locked the car with the keys in the ignition. No one was looking so I took the key out of the key locker and unlocked the car. Yep. I didn't tell her. Women don't need to know everything.

 

[KD]

A local bar was hosting an "Open Mic" night for all to try. Music, comedian's, poetry, it didn't matter. All were welcome to try out their act.

On this particular night, it was wintry and all were bundled up to stay warm. Hot toddies were popular this cold night.

A pony walks into this bar and signs up for a slot to try out his act. All is good. When it is his turn to go on stage, he trots up to the stage, nuzzles up to the microphone, and with a bit of a snort, and a cough, says...

"I'm a little hoarse..."

Tap tap, I'm out...

 

[Gizmo]