With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a
75
-year-old friend of mine was able to give birth. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit.
'May I see the new baby?' I asked
'Not yet,' she said. 'I'll make us some coffee, and we can visit for a...
Three little boys were bragging about how tough they were."I'm so tough," said the first boy, "that I can wear out a pair of shoes in a week."
"Well," said the second little boy, "I'm so tough, I can wear out a pair of jeans in a day."
"That's nothing," said the third boy. "When my parents...
A mother was practicing the alphabet with her four-year-old son,
Tommy. She showed him a picture of a truck and asked, "What is
this?"
"A truck," Tommy replied.
Then she pointed to the letter T and asked, "What does it start
with?"
"A key!" replied Tommy without hesitation.
One day, a man was walking along the beach and came across an odd-looking bottle. Not being one to ignore tradition, he rubbed it and, much to his surprise, a Genie actually appeared. "For releasing me from the bottle, I will grant you three wishes," said the Genie. The man was ecstatic. "But...
A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...."
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
"And...
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have...
A man and his blonde wife are relaxing at home when the phone rings. She answers and within a minute is sobbing. After she hangs up, her hubby gently holds her and asks what's wrong.
She replies that her mother has died. He finally gets her calmed down and the phone rings again. She answers and...
I volunteered recently to perform a parachute jump for charity. On our first day of training, the instructor made an important point about preparing for landing at 300 feet.
"How do you know when you're at 300 feet?" asked one woman.
"A good question," replied the instructor. "At 300 feet you...
I got no respect from my old man. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He says, "Run off a cliff."
I went to a massage parlor. It was self-service.
My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg.
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on...
I think you might have misinterpreded.....76 weeks from COMPLETION of funding
76 weeks from the timely and successful completion of our current and subsequent fundraising efforts.
Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV as the 10:00 news came on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Jack and said, "Do you...
After Christmas, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holiday away from school.
One child wrote the following:
We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa.
They used to live in a big brick house but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Batemans Bay...
A couple were in a busy shopping center just before Christmas.
The wife suddenly noticed that her husband was missing and as
they had a lot to do, she called him on her mobile phone.
The wife said, " Where are you? You know we have lots to do."
He said, "Do you remember the jewelers we...
Which of the following names are you familiar with?
1. Monica Lewinsky
2. Spiro Agnew
3. Benito Mussolini
4. Adolf Hitler
5. Jorge Bergoglio
6. Alfonse Capone
7. Vladimir Putin
8 Linda Lovelace
9. Saddam Hussein
10. Tiger Woods
11. Donald Trump
You had trouble with #5, didn't you?
You know all...