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Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

RUCRAYZE

Elio Addict
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On Vashon Island
Cold winter day a guy walks into a diner, sits at the counter and orders a bowl of chili, waitress says "I'm sorry but the gentleman beside you just got the last bowl of chili," so the guy orders a cup of coffee, he's sitting there sipping his coffee and notices the guy beside him has finished his meal but still has a full bowl of chili, so he asks "are you going to eat that?" Guy 2 pushes the bowl toward him and says "no, here help yourself". Guy 1 digs in, gets about halfway done and finds a dead mouse in the chili. BRAAAAK, he pukes right back into the bowl. Guy 2 says "yeah, that's about how far I got too."
chili.jpeg
 

NSTG8R

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Pacific, MO
Tonsils

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on beds next to each other, outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"

The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."

The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice-cream. It's a breeze."

The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"

The first kid says, "A circumcision."

And the second kid says, "Whoa, Good luck, buddy, I had that done when I was born... couldn't walk for a year.
 

Dusty921

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While out on a first date, the guy asks.....
"Would you go to bed with me for a million dollars?" ........
"Sure" ........says the girl...........
The guy then says....."Would you go to bed with me for a dollar?".......
She replies rather indigently......"What do you think I am?".......
The guy says.....
"We've already determined that, We're just haggling over the price! :D
 

RUCRAYZE

Elio Addict
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Eddie was driving down the road in his new Elio (# 2376) and a met a 4 wheel car coming the other way. Although there was room to pass easily, Eddie forced the oncoming car to slow down and using his electric window opener (standard equipment) and shouted 'Pig'. The other driver looked in his rear view mirror and swore at Eddie. Then his car hit the pig.
 
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